Why celebs marry young

Slate has an interesting article up, entitled "The Economic Logic of Marrying Young (If You're Miley Cyrus)". While most Americans, as with most everywhere else, choose to get married later and later, pop stars seem to defy that trend.

Once upon a time, men with high school degrees could obtain manufacturing jobs with solid wages and pensions that enabled them to marry and start families in their early 20s. Now, with the chances of nabbing a pension about as good as “winning the World Series,” as the Knot Yet study puts it, young blue-collar Americans can’t pay for a wedding, let alone a house and kids. But pop stars, of course, don’t have that problem. Nor do they, like middle- and upper-class women, need to worry about finishing college and working for several years before contemplating getting pregnant. They won’t be sacrificing a $10,000 annual bump in salary by marrying too soon; instead, they’re probably making more in their late teens and 20s than they’ll ever make again. And getting married might well help their brand. (Having a baby certainly will.) In other words, celebrities marry young not because they’re more mature than the rest of us (clearly) but because they have the means so much of America lacks. The move may be driven by youthful impulse, but it is also, in a strange way, logical. They’re just doing what so many of us would have (ill-advisedly) done as teenagers if we’d had loads of cash and legal independence from our parents: married our first loves.

I think that's partly true. But another reason is at least equally important, which I have observed in my time working with professional footballers, who also tend to marry young. A celebrity, particularly one seen as particularly attractive, gets to pick from the top of the dating tree. Someone in that position gets many more opportunities than the average person to hook up with someone, AND the perceived quality of those they are hooking up is higher. I say perceived quality, because celebrities get to date other celebrities, wealthy businesspeople, and people with model looks, which are societally-approved as high-calibre partner choices, even though those things are hardly guarantees of compatibility or nice personality. So if you are in the public eye and deemed to be attractive, you can have more access at age 22 to hot potential partners than the rest of us would have had by age 35. It's not surprising then if you decide that you have met the love of your life at 22. 

Of course, fast forward a few years, and you are still in the public eye and still married... those attractive potential partners are still around you. So it's no surprise that a lot of celebrity cheating and divorce goes on as well. It's not that celebrities are any worse than the rest of us at having relationships, it's just that they are presented with far more opportunities to screw them up.

Obama's gay marriage, fake father and other wingnut fantasies

Ever seen those ads for Dos Equis beer which feature a character they call "The Most Interesting Man in the World"?
Well clearly they've got it wrong, because no one as lived a life as extraordinary as Barack Obama. Or at least that is if you believe right-wing conspiracy theorists.

So far we've seen Obama the Communist, Obama the Black Radical, Obama the Secret Muslim, Obama the Atheist, Obama the Kenyan, Obama the Indonesian, Obama the Black Radical, Obama the Guy Who Is Just Like Adolph Hitler, and even Obama the Antichrist.

Now in a flash of inspiration, someone has come up with a concept that neatly combines the right-wing's two favourite destroyers of the fabric of society (gay marriage and Islam) into one nice package: Obama was secretly married in college - to a man! And to a Pakistani man at that!

What makes Obama the most interesting man in the world is not just that he is able to simultaneously be all of these things - a gay Muslim who is really an atheist yet claims to be a Christian - but that no one who he ever met in all that time seems to be willing to verify any of these details. Which, if you really want to get into conspiratorial mode, is probably because he had everyone who knew his secrets killed execution-style by the Illuminati Hit Squad.

The genius behind this story is the Tea Party's professional conspiracy theorist in chief, Jerome Corsi. You may remember Corsi for his role in smearing 2004 Presidential hopeful John Kerry's decorated record as a soldier in Vietnam, and his role in the Birther movement. His logic states that Obama must have been married because he was photographed wearing a ring on his left hand where one normally wears a wedding ring. And Corsi decides it was probably a gay marriage because... well, in this photo he is seated almost touching another guy, his Pakistani college room-mate Sohale Siddiqui. And sitting close to another guy is, as we all know, a clear sign that one is hungry for cock.

These two are like, totally gay for each other.

These two are just good friends.

To be honest, if BO experimented in college, I personally don't give a shit. A lot of people do that sort of thing; that's what college is for. If he is indeed on the "down-low" as they say, he'll have something in common to chat about with half the congressmen in the Republican party. But anyway, BO looks like he might be the "top" in that relationship, and we all know it's not gay if you're the pitcher.

Speaking of pitching, Corsi is pitching a couple of other conspiracy theories at the moment over at WorldNetDaily.

Firstly, Corsi is touting "absolute proof" that Obama was both an Indonesian citizen and a Muslim, based on a document at the Indonesian school where he was enrolled as a young child. Whether or not the document is real is probably immaterial; anyone who knows Indonesia knows that it's standards of record-keeping are hardly rigorous in their accuracy. As conservatives are constantly telling us, bureaucracies are inefficient, and Indonesia's more than most. What seems likely is that it was assumed Obama was an Indonesian because that's what his stepfather Lolo Soetoro was. Religion-wise, it should be noted that it is effectively illegal to NOT have a religion in Indonesia. Belief in God is one of the tenets of Pancasila, the national ideology, and while no one cares if someone doesn't actually practice the religion, not claiming a religion would draw suspicions of Communism. Thus it makes sense that Soetoro would list his stepson's religion as Islam, since that made as much sense as any other alternative at the time.

An even more interesting theory being promoted by Corsi at WND is that Obama's real father was not Barack Obama Snr, but was instead their family friend Frank Marshall Davis, who was a mentor to the young Obama. This is delicious for the WND audience since Davis was a member of the Communist Party and thus must have been a bad person. Joel Gilbert, director of the "documentary" entertaining this theory, Dreams of My Real Father, wasted 2 years of his life studying photos to support this theory.

“I decided to investigate Frank Marshall Davis. His close physical resemblance to Obama was shocking, while Obama little resembled the Kenyan Obama,” Gilbert told WND. “How could this be?”

Here is a comparison of the President with his Kenyan father and the man Gilbert alleges is his real father. You can initially see where Gilbert might have got this idea from; there are some ways in which Obama looks more like Davis than Obama Snr.

But there's another obvious explanation. Can you guess the detail Gilbert has missed?

Genetically, Obama Jnr and Davis almost certainly do share something: European DNA. Virtually all African-Americans who are descended from slaves have some white European ancestry. On average, 20% of African-American DNA comes from white ancestors. You can be a black American, whose parents are both black, yet be more than 50% European genetically.
Frank Marshall Davis has some level of white DNA, probably in the average range for his ethnicity. Barack Obama II is 50% white. Barack Obama Snr is an ethnic Luo with no apparent white ancestry. Which is why, shockingly, he looks so much darker and more African than his son.
Obama doesn't look much like his mother either, come to think of it. He's sort of... blacker-looking. Maybe she's not his real mother either?

The article also shows pictures of Davis' children, Lynn and Mark, for comparison. He also married a white woman, so his children have that mixed appearance. They do vaguely resemble Obama, particularly if you think black people tend to look alike. But they also look considerably "whiter" than Obama, particularly when it comes to their hair, which appears far less sub-Saharan African in form than Obama's. This is as you would expect, since Davis is presumably "whiter" than Obama Snr.

As a person of mixed race myself, I also don't look all that similar to either of my parents, and it's not uncommon either.

Of course, if you pay attention you may notice that all these conspiracy theories contradict each other. I mean, Obama can't be both a foreign Kenyan AND have a father who is an American communist. And he's probably not both an atheist AND a secret Islamic jihadist. But as any good mudslinger knows, if you fling enough mud, eventually some of it will stick. And given that around a quarter of all Americans think Obama IS a Muslim and a foreigner, Corsi and friends have a sizable audience to pitch their wingnut wet dreams to.


See also:
If Obama is a Muslim, maybe I am too...
Obama's birth certificate, and the racist impulses behind Birtherism
The Muslim-ness of Obama's family, and what it has to do with his presidency

An unbleached vadge? Eww, how horrid!

Oh, India. Birthplace of Buddhism, the mathematical concept of zero, cotton cultivation, cataract surgery, and Ayurvedic medicine. Now add vaginal bleaching to that list. Dear God.



Yes, apparently there are dudes out there who simply can't get enjoyment out of their woman's vagina because it's just too dark. If that sounds weird and kinda f*cked up, that's because it is. But this is the bizarro universe that so many South Asians inhabit when it comes to skin colour.

It's notable as well that the Indian woman in the above commercial has a lighter complexion than just about any Indian in the history of Indians. She could actually be one of the Cullen family from Twilight. So if HER vadge is too dark, what chance does anyone else have? How much paler can she actually get? Perhaps the object is to have genitals that are actually transparent.

What happened to the days when guys were just happy to be getting anything at all? Now they are all hung up on the aesthetics of the punani. Now, I know it's important to have standards when choosing one's significant other, but that is just a wee bit too fussy.

There's a pretty funny take on this at Jezebel that you should check out as well.

See also:
Indian film stars vs Regular Indians

Asians are "rape-ish"

One of the myriad things I do with my life is answering questions on Yahoo Answers, mostly questions about my areas of professional expertise (sexual assault, domestic violence, etc). Given that the interwebs are so rife with erroneous, ignorant and objectionable opinions, it's important to put some informed opinion out there, under a pseudonym of course.

Anyway, I couldn't resist answering this question today and sharing it with you. It tells you a lot about how stereotypes are created. Note the opening "I'm not racist, but..." -type line which is obligatory just before saying something racist.

And my response:

Heineken's "The Date" ad

Ok, so check this new ad from Heineken. It's called "The Date" and it's pretty cool. But there was something in it that sorta piqued my interest.

Yes, it's the white guy/ Asian girl pairing.

Now, before some of you start to get your back up, let me say something first up. There are some Asian guys out there who have a degree of hostility to that kind of relationship, and who would dismiss the guy as a rice chaser and the girl as having some kind of self-loathing. I'm not really one of those people. I'm a product of such a relationship, for a start, and I'm in a inter-ethnic relationship of my own (she's Indian).

I like to see Asians get some representation on the screen. But the problem is that it's primarily Asian women, and when those Asian women get some lovin', it is almost always with a white guy. Of course, white guy/ Asian girl couples are commonplace in real life, so it's expected that you'd see them a bit on screen. Yet the clear majority of Asian women in Western countries choose to date or marry Asian guys, and portrayals of Asian-Asian couples are surprisingly rare. Perhaps there is a limited amount of Asian-ness producers think their audiences can handle, and two Asians in a relationship is one too many.

And a white woman with an Asian guy? According to TV and film, such a thing may as well not exist. (Note to pedants: there are exceptions to this, I know, but I'm talking overall.)

So while the frequent portrayal of white guy/ Asian girl couples does to some extent reflect reality, bear in mind that popular culture doesn't just reflect reality, it shapes it. And the portrayal of Asian men in popular culture tends to vary between poor and non-existent. When the highest profile Asian male actor in the West is Ken Jeong, best known for exposing his very underwhelming penis in The Hangover, you know that things aren't that healthy.

So as you watch the dashing white dude in the above video, sweeping the hot Asian girl off her feet in an Asian restaurant (aka "her natural environment"), ask yourself this. Why did it have to be that particular racial combination?

In isolation, it's just a couple, and their racial combination is no more significant than any other racial combination. If you look at it as part of an overall trend, then it might start to bother you a little.

Why women are the cause of all the world’s problems – Malay edition

(Cross - posted at Brown Pundits)

There is Islamic misogyny, and non-Islamic misogyny, but the Islamic variety seems far better at convincing otherwise intelligent women to buy into this nonsense.


A Happy Man, A Happy Home

“You just need to open the newspaper or watch the news on TV: there are so many sex-related social problems rape, incest, prostitution and sex trafficking.”

Men will not be committing these crimes if they are sexually satisfied at home, she [Fauziah Ariffin] stresses. “The key to make a man gentle and loving is a first-class loving wife an obedient wife. When the wife is obedient, the husband will be happy and gentle. They will not look elsewhere for the loving they need.”

And like simple economics, cutting off the “demand” for the illegal “sex” will cut the supply. “The authorities have come up with a lot of solutions and conducted various raids or operations to nip these social problems, but they still exist. The solution we are proposing is one that is guaranteed to work, as it is backed by the Quran,” she explains.

Committee member Siti Maznah Mohamed Taufik tries another argument to demonstrate how a sexually frustrated man can cause violence in society.

“Just yesterday, there was a story about a man who hit his wife with a lesung (pounding stone) because she refused to have lunch with him. Do you believe that? It does not make sense. Just because of lunch, a man would hit his wife until she is hospitalised? I’m sure it is because she did not give him any the night before. That’s why he was furious with her.”

I wonder if it occurs to them that perhaps the reason this wife didn’t want to have lunch or sex with her husband is because he is the type of asshole who likes to hit women with pounding stones.

There are plenty more facepalm moments in the full article. A common thread in these kinds of worldviews is their extremely low expectations of men, who apparently can’t stop themselves from raping en masse unless they get a regular diet of sex at home. So it’s heartening that a Facebook group  that has sprung up to denounce the "Obedient Wives Club" was started by a Malaysian male, 22 year-old Matthew Tard Ong.

I personally don’t think this is a mainstream view among Malay women – this group appears to have some extremist associations. But how widespread is this? And is it a Muslim thing, a Malay thing, a Malaysian thing, or a human thing?

The geography of knob size

You may have caught this map going round the interwebs recently. (You can get a better look here, and it's based on data from here.) Having done a couple of posts in the last couple of years about race and penises, how could I ignore this? It's not an obsession of mine, I swear.

Anyway, at this point I'll just say straight up that if you are somehow reading this from the Democratic Republic of Congo, take a moment's break from dodging bullets in order to bask in some national pride, since your country is apparently a world leader in big-dickedness. DR Congo is the only country in the survey in which the average length tops 7 inches. It's also particularly impressive because the average age of Congolese surveyed was apparently only 16.3 years, meaning that some of the subjects are still growing! Heavens. Congratulations Congolese, you should celebrate. Just don't celebrate too wildly, you might take someone's eye out with that thing.  On the other hand, if you happen to be from South Korea... well, you may wish to stop reading this now. You don't come out of this with a whole lotta glory, I'm afraid. In fact, Asians in general are not overly flattered by this study, as you can see in the map.

Of course, I don't really put a whole lot of stock in these things, partly because as someone who is part-Asian, it does suit me to say "I don't believe in these things." But also because I'm not sure how you accurately take measurements of guys' erections. I mean, if some scientist dude orders me to muster one up and approaches me with a ruler, I'm not sure whether I'm going to be able to perform to the best of my ability. And some of the measurements come from self-reporting, which is some cause for scepticism. Self-reporting surely adds on at least another inch, I figure. For instance, Lebanon (self-reported) is listed as having an average length almost 3 cm longer than neighbouring Turkey, where the members were actually measured.
Notably, some of the biggest results come from countries in which the subjects self-reported. Including DR Congo! So are Congolese guys really the biggest in the world, or just the biggest liars?

That average age of 16.3 for the Congo puzzled me as well. So how many people under 16 were part of this survey? Because, well, they are considered children, and it's a brave man who visits a country as horrifically violent as the Congo and then goes around asking kids how big their penises are. I'm sure they lost many a good researcher that way.

If you know a little bit about human evolution, you'll know that it makes sense that Africans might have longer penises. Africans in general have longer limbs in proportion to their bodies than populations from other parts of the world; it's an adaptation to hot climates. Whereas East Asians, having evolved in a cold climate, generally have shorter limbs. So if that applies to limbs, it probably wouldn't be surprising  if it applied to genitalia as well.

Does having a big penis confer an evolutionary advantage? Probably not really, unless there is some advantage in being able to shag your partner while standing slightly further away from them than the next guy. Or if you live on the dangerous African savannah and need a weapon to club a lion to death with. Does it improve your chances of landing a mate? Not really. The nature of human sexual courtship means that by the time your ladyfriend is staring down the barrel of your member and in a position to analyse it, you're likely to be getting some action (and thus potentially passing on your genes) anyway.

Weirdly, coming second on the list after the DR Congo is Ecuador. Ecuador? Wow. For all the jokes and stereotypes I've heard over the years about black fellas and their trouser snakes, I've never heard anyone joke about being "hung like an Ecuadorian". What's more, unlike the Congolese, the Ecuadorian samples were actually measured by researchers, rather than being self-reported.
Maybe they used sexier research assistants for the Ecuadorian fieldwork, and the local fellas responded accordingly?
But it's not just Ecuadorians, but their neighbours too. Colombians, Peruvians, Bolivians and Venezuelans are all packing a fair whallop, all more than any European country. Maybe it's all that coca they chew.

As for Asian dudes, well... not to worry, I guess. Maybe next time don't turn the aircon all the way to extra-cold when some researcher is trying to measure your penis. And as so many women have expressed to me in the past with thinly disguised pity, it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it. So some of y'all might need to start learning some tricks.

More seriously, this sort of thing is not good PR for Asian men in general, but personally I don't think it's cause for major concern. Most of us don't normally spend our days looking at other men's penises, so there's little point in worrying about how you compare with something else you're unlikely to ever actually see. Most women don't really care, anyway. For sexual satisfaction, skill is by far the most important attribute, followed by girth, with length just not a high priority.

Anyway, Asians are clearly doing something right. Over 1 billion people in both India and China shows that even if these studies are true, it's no impediment to getting one's swerve on.

Above: A cock from the Congo. Very impressive.

See also:

Race, IQ and Penis Size

Race and dating: "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

I've been reading a few posts around the blogosphere about racial preferences in partner selection, and so I figured I'd contribute my own experiences.

More than once, someone has asked me a variation on the question, "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

On the face of it, it's a fair question to ask. My current partner of almost 3 years is Indian (to be more specific, she is Malaysian-born of mixed Ceylonese Tamil and Indian Tamil heritage). My only other serious long-term relationship (3 years) was also with someone of Indian heritage (Punjabi, in that case). My only other relationship in which the "L" word was exchanged? She was Sri Lankan. My very first girlfriend? Pakistani.

In between those, here are the ethnicities of the women I have dated in my adult life ("dated" as in, not just "went on a date with", but having gone a little further, yet not got serious):

Indian/Jewish
Sri Lankan/Italian
Indonesian
Anglo-Indian
Sri Lankan
Indonesian
Filipino

(Sorry if I left anyone out.)

That list doesn't include the handful of people I've kissed at parties or clubs but didn't continue any further with.

I hope this doesn't come across as some attempt to brag about my "conquests" (and in any case, if it were I don't think would be a long enough list to be impressive). I'm just showing that those who surmise that my dating preferences extend primarily to South Asians would certainly be excused for thinking so. But it doesn't actually tell the whole story.

Because dating is only partly about who you choose. The other side, equally important, is who chooses you.

Now I don't think I'm anyone's idea of a playa. When it comes to getting what guys tend to think of as a "result", I guess I do OK, but I've also had my fair share of rejections, and things that petered out into nothing.

You'll notice, for example, that my above list does not include any white women. I've actually kissed a couple, and fancied a few. But how many of them actually wanted to go out with me?

Likewise, no-one of African descent on that list. Now, while there isn't a huge amount of black people in my part of the world (Australia), I actually know quite a few. So does this mean that I'm not interested in black women? Quite the contrary. I could tell you about 3 or 4 that I've been particularly interested in, but they didn't reciprocate.

There are a few South East Asians on my list - as you'd probably expect with my Indonesian background, I have dated a couple of Indonesians - but no East Asians. Which is interesting to me, because almost half the people I hang out with are Chinese. I'm pretty savvy with Chinese culture, and I find plenty of Chinese women to be attractive. Yet I've never gone beyond one or two dates with any of them. It's not that I haven't tried.

Yes, I do tend to go for a certain type. Most people do to some extent, I guess.

For me, there is something about women from South and East Asia that makes my head turn most often. I don't know if I can explain why in any quantitative fashion, they just look good to me. Not all of them, of course.

Women from Africa, the Middle East or Latin America also appeal to me, although not quite as much as Asians. White/European women a little less so, although I've certainly been smitten with one or two in the past. Interestingly, women who are a mix of white with something else, are extremely appealing to me, perhaps even more so than the unmixed "something else".

This doesn't mean I think that certain racial types are better or more beautiful than others. It's just my preference. I would date someone of any race, if I found them sufficiently attractive. It just happens to be that certain things appeal to me, both physical and personality-wise, and they tend to be found in certain groups more than others.

But ultimately this only matters so much, because when it comes to who I get into relationships with, I don't get to have it all my own way. I can fancy whoever I like, but they have to fancy me back, or it's not going to get far. And I've been trying to sell my product to a wide variety of consumers, but for whatever reason it seems to primarily appeal to a South Asian demographic.

If it were solely up to me, the above list of who I've dated would look a helluva lot more diverse. It would include Jessica Alba, for starters. But clearly, it's not just up to me.

OkCupid and "The REAL Stuff White People Like"

The other day my homie Bonoboboy sent me a link to this story, at the blog of dating site OkCupid, and it is a quite fascinating post.

By analysing enormous amounts of data, the writer and his people were able to analyse the various racial categories of people who use that site, and then break down which interests and traits were most common to each racial category. Thus they have worked out the things that white people like, what black people like, as well as Asians, Latinos, Indians, Pacific Islanders and Middle Easterners. It is conspicuously US-centric so I'm not sure if they are factoring in non-USians as well.

We selected 526,000 OkCupid users at random and divided them into groups by their (self-stated) race. We then took all these people's profile essays (280 million words in total!) and isolated the words and phrases that made each racial group's essays statistically distinct from the others'.

So if you are wondering if certain stereotypes are true about the various ethnicities, you might find some validation here, or some surprises. And you can measure yourself against their findings to determine how close you are to the mainstream tastes of your ethnicity.

Do bear in mind the context: this is only about the sort of people who frequent OkCupid (whoever they are - I guess it is somewhat representative of the broader population), and relies on what people say about themselves (which may not always be as accurate as you would hope). I don't know how much stock anyone should put in any of this, but it's an amusing and enlightening read, and makes me wonder about what I'd need to pretend to be interested in in order to hook up with women of different races. Not that I would ever do such a thing.



Some things I found interesting:

"Philippines" and "Filipino" pops up a lot under the Pacific Islander category, but not at all in the Asian category. Which shows what I believe to be an almost entirely US phenomenon of Filipinos seeing themselves as not being Asian.

The analysts rate the Indians' profiles as being the most sophisticated. How they measure this I have no idea, although it does correlate with Indians being the most highly educated immigrant group in the US.

The people who described themselves as the most serious about religion also correlated with the least sophistication in profile essays; this trend is true or mostly true for all religions.

The second most typical phrase for black men was "I am cool". Which is pretty funny. If I tell people I'm cool, will they just accept me at my word?

White people really like "boating". I never really thought about that.

My favourite few lines of the post: "I have to say that the mind of the white man is the world's greatest sausagefest. Unless you're counting Queens of the Stone Age, there is not even one vaguely feminine thing on his list, and as far as broad categories go we have: sweaty guitar rock, bro-on-bro comedies, things with engines, and dystopias."

Asians are REALLY into food ("a foodie", "food", "pho", "sushi", "sashimi", "noodle", "asian food", "cookbooks", "cooking and baking", "food network" and "chocolates" are all among their list of most typical key words). And if you figured that Asian men were studious and focused on getting a "good job", then these stats prove you right. Appearing in their list of most typical words were "software developer", "mechanical engineer", "pursuing my", "an engineer", "entrepreneur", "analyst", "finance", "accountant", "investing", "investment", "electrical engineering" and "currently studying". By contrast, the white male and female lists of most typical words do not contain a single term relating to their career or studies.

Other (stereo)typical words that appear on the Asian lists: "gadgets", "surfing the net", "computer games" and "my cellphone".

Indian men liked cricket far above and beyond anything else. If you know any Indian men you are unlikely to be surprised at that. Indian men are also as focused on careers and studies as (East) Asian men, if these lists are any indication: they include "software engineer", "an engineer", "MBa", "finance", "exams", "investment", "trading", "analyst", "maths", "entrepreneur" and "consultant".

Black women are seemingly the most religious out of all the groups. On their list you'll find the typical words "God-fearing", "gospel", "The Lord", "God's plan", "my church", "God and family", "God's love", "to church", "blessings" and "faith in God".

MUSICAL TASTES: Some things are completely unsurprising; white males like "mostly rock". Black males are into rap, and black women are into neo-soul and R&B.
Other stuff is not quite so obvious; Middle Eastern women are really into Nina Simone, Cat Power and Manu Chao. In contrast with Middle Eastern men who are more likely to like "Nickelback and electronic music".

READING TASTES: White males really like Tom Clancy novels. Like, REALLY; it's the most typical word for them. Both Indian and East Asian men really like reading "Freakonomics". (And why not, it's an awesome book, and is very relevant to this whole post.) Indians and Middle Easterners are unified by their love of "The Kite Runner", although whether that's the book or the movie is unclear.


If I were picking a prospective female mate based solely on the most typical words in these lists, I'd have to go for... Middle Eastern women. Based on this, they seem quite interesting! ( I mean, I'm sure they are interesting in real life too.)

A bit about Asian men and white women

Ok, so there's a post up at the moment on a blog (Ask Bossy) attached to one of Australia's major newspapers, and it's entitled, "Why don't Anglo women like Asian men?"

You can read it here; some of the comments are particularly interesting, especially if you find ignorance interesting.

While there are certainly white women out there who favour Asian men, and many who will consider anyone regardless of race, the overall trend is that AM/WW couples are rare, far rarer than WM/AW.

Most people date within their race; that's obvious and understandable. You go with what you know. And particularly if you are white in a white-majority country, because there are simply far more white people to choose from. But even in areas where there are plenty of Asian guys available, white women seem not go for them to any great degree.

As you might understand, there is some definite resentment from Asian males about this phenomenon. I confess that I have noticed this sentiment in myself, despite being a product of the very kind of relationship (WM/AW) that spurs this ill feeling. The resentment stems from several factors. One is the sense of unfairness that white guys are cherry-picking women from the Asian dating pool, but the same interest is not being shown to the Asian man, with the implication that Asian men are somewhere near the bottom of the hierarchy of desirableness. Secondly, it is the traditional and sexist consternation about outsiders taking "our women". Thirdly, it is the feeling that this is another manifestation of the racism suffered by Asian men, related to the unflattering perceptions of them propagated by popular culture. This goes along with the suspicion that Asian women are brainwashed into falling for a Western standard of attractiveness. As well, I think many Asian men subconsciously associate this with a kind of Western imperialism; a sort of "dating colonialism" if you will, a modern extension of the European powers invading Asian countries and appropriating their riches.

Pictured above: Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng

Below: Lolo Soetoro and Ann Dunham. Dunham's son Barack Obama is on the right of the picture.

So why are there comparatively so few AM/WW couples?

Let me say first up that this isn't a totally one-way street. Asian guys are not really breaking down doors en masse to date white women. Asian men tend to prefer Asian women, as you would expect. And given the high importance placed on family approval, many Asian men feel pressured to date, and certainly marry, only within their ethnicity. However, there is certainly a degree of interest there. Especially when you factor in that the greatest number of available women in a Western country are white, and how popular culture prioritises white women's beauty above all others. I think it is fair to say that there is somewhat more interest from Asian men towards white women than there is vice versa.

A point is frequently made that Asian men are generally less likely to approach white women. I believe this to be true. And while you could ascribe this to a lack of interest in white women and/or a lack of confidence among Asian men, I think both of those factors are entwined with the negative stereotypes about Asian men. The perceptions of the Asian male as being less masculine and less well-endowed mean that even when those are untrue, an Asian man might be more reluctant to approach a non-Asian woman, because he assumes that those beliefs are being held about him.  In the game of attraction, it doesn't really matter if Asians really are less manly; if a significant segment of women think they are, then that is a significant enough obstacle.

And like it or not, that is a very real perception. So many of the female commenters on Ask Bossy echo the same lines - "nothing against them, I just don't find Asian males attractive - they seem less masculine to me."

What is that based on?

We all have particular ideas about what defines masculine and feminine. Some of these are biologically programmed, but some are also culturally specific and thus a result of our socialisation. An example would be how African cultures prefer fuller-figured women than today's Western societies; paleontologists also suggest that prehistoric Europeans, based on some of their works of art, also prioritised fuller figures. So to simply categorise certain characteristics are simply either masculine or feminine is problematic, since each culture has its own variation on these themes.

We ascribe certain physical qualities as being masculine - height, a strong build, and a hairy body. Likewise, certain personality traits are considered masculine - loudness, dominance and control, toughness and so on.

One thing to consider is that a white woman might judge Asian men not simply on how he measures up to these stereotypes, but importantly, how a white woman might measure up to these stereotypes if she is partnered with an Asian man. It is quite likely that in any potential AM/WW pairing, the white woman will be as tall or taller than the Asian man, and possibly have more body hair. This may make some white women feel less feminine in comparison, and this might be a disincentive to date an Asian man.

One factor that doesn't get mentioned much is age, or more correctly, one's apparent age. It is generally accepted that all things being equal, people of Asian background tend to look younger than Caucasians of the same age. Height and the amount of facial hair also play a part in this perception. Now while a more youthful appearance is generally seen as a good thing, for males looking for a mate it can be a hindrance. The general trend is for women to seek a man of the same age or older; many women are less interested in a younger man, or at least one who seems younger. A man who looks younger might be seen to be less authoritative and powerful, which are attributes closely tied to masculine appeal.

Personality-wise, Asian men do not tend to display quite the same kind of machismo that is more prevalent in some Western cultures. Of course, Asian men are no less chauvinistic or egocentric than other types of men; but they do not always express them in the same ways. (An example is that while Asian societies are often quite violent in their own way, you are far more likely to be beaten up for no reason by drunk young men in Australia than anywhere in Asia.) The dominant stereotype of the young Asian male is someone who wears glasses and studies really hard at school; this does not fit the Western preconception of young manhood.

A few people commenting at Ask Bossy bring up that old stereotype, penis size. Now since many of those are women, I'm a little surprised; I didn't realise many women were superficial enough to disregard a guy based on how big they assume his penis might be. While I'm obviously not a woman and therefore don't know, overall I don't think it's a large part (tee hee) of what motivates women when choosing a mate. I've asked plenty of girls out in my lifetime, and not once has anyone said, "Maybe, let me inspect your penis first and I'll think about it." Which personally, I'm quite glad about.

Of course, many of the commenters who raise the small penis stereotype appear to be white men. Now it has long been my theory that white men are the primary cultivators of this stereotype, as a way to make themselves feel superior. Personally I find it odd that otherwise heterosexual men would spend so much time contemplating the Asian penis, so I figure that it is ultimately tied into some deep-seated subconscious machismo-and-racism combo.

(As to whether the stereotype is true - well, I'm not an expert in phalluses other than my own, but I'm pretty sure they come in all shapes and sizes. In every racial group, there will be some big, some small, and many average. There's probably some truth in the stereotype overall - given that Asians tend to be physically smaller in stature anyway -  but if so the average difference is unlikely to be greater than an inch, really.)


I've avoided talking about black people in this discussion so far, especially as in the Australian context, they are not all that numerous. But in the popular imagination, people of African descent occupy a particular role when it comes to ideas of masculinity and femininity. Africans are often seen as somehow more masculine, due to perceptions such as the black athlete, and of the stereotypically large African penis. With Asian men occupying the opposite end of this spectrum of stereotypes, white men occupy their usual position - the middle, as "the norm".

I've heard this referred to around the place as the "Three Bears Effect". As in the story of Goldilocks, who tasted three bowls of porridge, one too hot, one too cold, but one that was "just right". So when we factor other racial stereotypes into the equation, we have a complete picture of how these stereotypes seem set up to benefit white males. Black males are manly but dumb and uncivilised; Asians are smart but are not manly; while white males are "just right".

Whether you agree with this idea or not, it is important to recognise that in the West our entire way of thinking conditions us to see the white male as "the norm", around which everyone else is measured.

Thus under this way of thinking, an Asian male's comparative lack of body hair might be seen as a sign of femininity. Through an Asian mindset, in which an Asian body is the norm, white men might be considered too hairy.


So, is it racist for white women to find Asian men less attractive?

No. Well, not really. Sort of.

Attraction is not something you choose. We all have our own individual preferences for certain types of people, be it based on height, colour, gender, sense of humour. So you can't just decide you are going to be attracted to someone if you are not inclined to find them attractive.

I personally have been attracted to people of every racial category that I have met; however, I instinctively find myself paying the most attention to women of East Asian or South Asian background. It was not always this way; as a teenager, growing up in a more Anglo-centric environment, I had very little interest in Asian girls and found white girls much more attractive. But my perception of what is normal, and what is attractive, shifted as I moved from high school to university and into a circle of largely non-white friends.

But how does it get to be that we are attracted to certain types and not others?

It has a lot to do with how we are conditioned. Whatever culture or society you grow up in has its own social conditioning which encourages you to see certain characteristics as being more attractive than others. In a country like Australia, we are conditioned to regard thin Nordic (fair haired, light eye colour) women as the epitome of beauty. This is changing gradually of course, but that unconscious perception is deeply embedded in our consciousness.

Which is one reason why so many Asians, and non-white people in general, decry the way they are portrayed in the media, because it is the media that helps perpetuate these ideals. If we saw more leading male Asian actors on our TV screens, there would be a shift in this perception, to some degree at least. Contrast that with the number of attractive Asian women on TV; they are probably still underrepresented, but not to the same degree as Asian men.


At the end of the day, whatever the overall trend, it doesn't have to impact on individual encounters. Whatever your race, you need to assess someone for who they are, not what race they are. Asian brothers, if a white woman dismisses your approach because she has some twisted perception that you are less manly, then don't worry; you don't need her anyway. There are plenty of women out there, white and otherwise, who will appreciate you for who you are.



See also:

Jen Kwok: "Date an Asian (or at least f**k one)"

The Asian penis in popular culture

Race and Dating: "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

Interracial dating trends in the USA

"Rape by deception" - for pretending to be Jewish?

Hear about this story? A woman in Israel shags a guy who she thinks is Jewish. Turns out he's actually an Arab. She goes to the police. Arab guy gets jailed for rape.

What do you reckon? The verdict sounds like a complete load of horsesh!t to me, but maybe I'm missing something here. Read it for yourself:

A Palestinian man was convicted of rape in Jerusalem after he had consensual sex with a woman who he had tricked into thinking he was also Jewish. Shabbar Kashur, 30, was sentenced to 18 months behind bars after he accepted a plea bargain for the charge “rape by deception.”
Kashur first met the woman in downtown Jerusalem in September 2008. At the time, he had told her that he was a single Jewish man who was looking for a long term relationship. They talked for a minute, and then went to a nearby building and had sex, according to the complaint.
The woman later found out that the man was not Jewish at all, and was an Arab from East Jerusalem. She filed a criminal complaint for indecent assault and rape. Because he took the plea that was offered to him, the charges were lessened to rape by deception.
Arabs currently make up over 20 percent of the population in Israel, but relationships between the two cultures are rare amid the ongoing violence in the region. There are very few integrated neighborhoods in Israel, and even fewer relationships.
One judge said that even though the two of them had had consensual sex, the woman never would have said yes if she had realized that the man was not Jewish.
“If she hadn’t thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she never would have cooperated,” the judges said.

The original article is here. The man claims he never even told her he was Jewish, and she just assumed. I dunno... let's assume he did actually lie about it.

Now, let's be honest. People lie all the time to get sex. Mostly it is the men who do so. Is that wrong? Of course. Is that rape? Er...

I mean, fellas, let's be real. If you are about to get it on with someone who may be hot but you're not in love with, and he/she asks, "Do you love me?" what are you gonna say?
Further up the bullsh!t scale, some guys might go all out and lie their asses off to get some ass. You know, pretend they're single when they're not, or pretend they really do want a relationship when they are just out to hit it and quit it. Such guys are douchebags, no doubt. But not rapists, surely?

It sounds like Shabbar Kashur falls into this category. From the sounds of it, maybe he deserves to have the Jewish woman's brother kick his ass. But 18 months in jail, following 2 years of house arrest?

In the past, men have been charged with fraud for this kind of thing, according to this article. And I can maybe accept that. Because while he may have deceived her, she still entered the sexual act of her own free choice, right?

But where do you draw the line on this stuff? Because rape by deception certainly does and should exist as a legitimate and serious charge. For example, if someone knows they have HIV but tells you otherwise and has unprotected sex with you; or if someone who is 19 pretends to be 15 in order to have sex with someone underage. Those are two examples. But those are two pretty heinous things to happen. Finding out the guy was actually an Arab? That's in a totally different class, no matter whether you like Arabs or not.

And that's what I find quite repugnant about this. It seems based on the assumption that Shabbar Kashur's Arab-ness is a horrible trait akin to having a disease or taking advantage of young girls. You'd have to regard this as a racist decision, which is a reflection of the entitled attitude of a dominant majority population (in this case, Jews in Israel).

Rape is primarily about power and dominance. I just don't see that as a factor in the sex act here.

Perhaps the woman involved might realise that some of the old-fashioned values - like not sleeping with someone until you know them pretty well - actually have some basis in common sense. Not that I'm justifying his deception, but that's the risk you take when you are over-eager to jump in the sack with total strangers.

And don't for a minute think that I'm trying to minimise rape or its impact. I'm not at all. Indeed, I think cases like this are insulting to the many real victims of rape who need the help of a justice system which is being tied up by frivolous cases like this.

But I may well be wrong about all this, and I'm open to persuasion. Feel free to share your thoughts.
Interesting clip below about the case and the context in which it occurs.

Condom sales spike in Korea after World Cup win

My favourite news story of the week:

About a million South Korean fans, including 200,000 in Seoul, filled the boulevards, stadiums and parks on Saturday to cheer their team's 2-0 win over Euro 2004 champions Greece.

After the game, fans in celebratory mood bought five times more condoms than during the team's lacklustre 2006 World Cup performance, the JoongAng Daily reported on Monday.
Other winners were convenience stores and fried chicken outlets as fans took to the streets, the paper said.

It said Bokwang Family Mart chain stores saw a near doubling of sales in spots where fans had gathered.
Stores in residential areas also did well as those tuning in at home bought three times the usual amount of beer and more than twice the number of snacks.

Because there's nothing like a footballing victory to inspire the masses to get their collective leg over. While simultaneously eating fried chicken, apparently.
 

Unfortunately, following South Korea's 4-1 spanking at the hands of Argentina, a national loss of libido  is possible. So supporters of the national team will have more than one reason to hope for a victory over Nigeria in their final group game next week.

 

Pictured: Team captain Park Ji-Sung has Korean libidos going off the charts.