Race and dating: "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

I've been reading a few posts around the blogosphere about racial preferences in partner selection, and so I figured I'd contribute my own experiences.

More than once, someone has asked me a variation on the question, "What is it with you and Indian chicks?"

On the face of it, it's a fair question to ask. My current partner of almost 3 years is Indian (to be more specific, she is Malaysian-born of mixed Ceylonese Tamil and Indian Tamil heritage). My only other serious long-term relationship (3 years) was also with someone of Indian heritage (Punjabi, in that case). My only other relationship in which the "L" word was exchanged? She was Sri Lankan. My very first girlfriend? Pakistani.

In between those, here are the ethnicities of the women I have dated in my adult life ("dated" as in, not just "went on a date with", but having gone a little further, yet not got serious):

Indian/Jewish
Sri Lankan/Italian
Indonesian
Anglo-Indian
Sri Lankan
Indonesian
Filipino

(Sorry if I left anyone out.)

That list doesn't include the handful of people I've kissed at parties or clubs but didn't continue any further with.

I hope this doesn't come across as some attempt to brag about my "conquests" (and in any case, if it were I don't think would be a long enough list to be impressive). I'm just showing that those who surmise that my dating preferences extend primarily to South Asians would certainly be excused for thinking so. But it doesn't actually tell the whole story.

Because dating is only partly about who you choose. The other side, equally important, is who chooses you.

Now I don't think I'm anyone's idea of a playa. When it comes to getting what guys tend to think of as a "result", I guess I do OK, but I've also had my fair share of rejections, and things that petered out into nothing.

You'll notice, for example, that my above list does not include any white women. I've actually kissed a couple, and fancied a few. But how many of them actually wanted to go out with me?

Likewise, no-one of African descent on that list. Now, while there isn't a huge amount of black people in my part of the world (Australia), I actually know quite a few. So does this mean that I'm not interested in black women? Quite the contrary. I could tell you about 3 or 4 that I've been particularly interested in, but they didn't reciprocate.

There are a few South East Asians on my list - as you'd probably expect with my Indonesian background, I have dated a couple of Indonesians - but no East Asians. Which is interesting to me, because almost half the people I hang out with are Chinese. I'm pretty savvy with Chinese culture, and I find plenty of Chinese women to be attractive. Yet I've never gone beyond one or two dates with any of them. It's not that I haven't tried.

Yes, I do tend to go for a certain type. Most people do to some extent, I guess.

For me, there is something about women from South and East Asia that makes my head turn most often. I don't know if I can explain why in any quantitative fashion, they just look good to me. Not all of them, of course.

Women from Africa, the Middle East or Latin America also appeal to me, although not quite as much as Asians. White/European women a little less so, although I've certainly been smitten with one or two in the past. Interestingly, women who are a mix of white with something else, are extremely appealing to me, perhaps even more so than the unmixed "something else".

This doesn't mean I think that certain racial types are better or more beautiful than others. It's just my preference. I would date someone of any race, if I found them sufficiently attractive. It just happens to be that certain things appeal to me, both physical and personality-wise, and they tend to be found in certain groups more than others.

But ultimately this only matters so much, because when it comes to who I get into relationships with, I don't get to have it all my own way. I can fancy whoever I like, but they have to fancy me back, or it's not going to get far. And I've been trying to sell my product to a wide variety of consumers, but for whatever reason it seems to primarily appeal to a South Asian demographic.

If it were solely up to me, the above list of who I've dated would look a helluva lot more diverse. It would include Jessica Alba, for starters. But clearly, it's not just up to me.